After School Programs

Pickled Red Onions

A most helpful condiment


When I go to help a restaurant that may be re-branding itself, one of the easiest things to do is help them change their condiments.

This is one of the most versatile condiments as it goes with so many cuisines like Mexican, Chinese, Korean, American, Greek, and Indian foods.

Photo by Nigel Cohen on Unsplash.com

Chefsville will be filming a video on how easy it is to make this. Making pickles in the kitchen with kids is a great way of teaching them about preserving foods. Preserving foods has a rich history. There is a difference between just preserving food and fermenting foods.

My research found by far the best information and how-to article is Best Article Ever on Pickled Red Onions. We wanted to share it with you. This is the starting point for making great pickles. change the recipe and make it your own based on your personal preferences and where you live. Please tell us what you use pickled red onions on.

Also fermenting foods. Fermented foods are gut-healthy foods for humans. The fermentation process allows for microbial growth conversation of food components through enzymatic actions.

Examples of fermented foods include sauerkraut (German), miso (Japan), kimchi (Korea), kefir(North Caucasus between the Black Sea and the Caspian Sea), and kombucha(China). There are many more.

Fermentation allows for potential probiotic health benefits since the fermentation process is derived from the production of bioactive peptides and other naturally occurring processes that benefit our gastrointestinal health.

Please excuse me while I go and make a batch of this using agave nectar as a sweetener for my family. Don’t forget to comment below on your favorite use of pickled red onions.

Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse can be very hard to spot. Abusers do not want to be discovered. They are after control and power in the relationship and use tactics like criticizing, insulting, belittling, blaming, threatening, isolating and withholding affection or money.

Abusers use these methods to “tear down” the independence and self-confidence of those they are in relationships with. The biggest risk to the abuser is getting caught. It could be they are so invested in their confusion and don’t want change such as a breaking off of the relationship or being forced to admit their weakness of character.

“Emotional abuse is insidious!” says therapist Sharie Stines, who specializes in recovery from abuse.

Be sure that in a healthy relationship you are validated, reassured, heard and understood.

Abusive relationships don’t start out as abusive. There is an initial loving and caring, then it slowly goes downhill. Sometimes the kindness the other person is offering is only a “hook” to win over your trust. Emotional abuse could quickly escalate into physical violence. There is a language that most perpetrators who engage in abuse use and this takes the focus off of the abuse:

  1. “You are too sensitive.” Do you hear the sense of “shame” in that saying?
  2. “You are impossible to please.” Do you hear the focus shift away from the abusive perpetrator?
  3. “Your friends don’t have your back like I do.” Do you see they are trying to get you to trust them more than others?
  4. “Your friends don’t have your best interest at heart”. Its subtle manipulation in most cases to get you to doubt the value of others. This creates a feeling of isolation. This phrase keeps you from wanting to be with your friends.
  5. “Why are you making such a big deal out of this?” Abusive partners ignore issues at heart and flip them backward instead.
  6. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” This makes you question your own judgment, memories and sense of reality.
  7. “My ex was so much better than you.” Unfavorable comparing challenges self-esteem. It’s disparaging and used to diminish a partner’s spirit and confidence.

Oh My! What do we do?

There is no one fix for all responses and situations. But some of these ideas may help a bit.

First, please evaluate if that relationship is what you want for the rest of your life. If you inject the idea that the other partner will change – don’t expect that in reality. In most cases, abusive, “gaslighting” behaviors don’t carry with them the “ideal to change”. The person inflicting these behaviors does not want to be caught.

  1. Keep Safe! It’s important to know when you are not safe. Have a plan to stay safe. Don’t give up on being safe. It is your right as a human being. You may need to trust your gut feelings.
  2. Know “how” you are being played. Look for patterns that confirm your gut feelings. Establish some proof. You may have weak spots in your personality that are being challenged. In a healthy relationship, those “weak spots” are built up not challenged to where you feel negative about yourself.

Abusers will exploit your good nature.

  1. Explaining yourself will not work against an abuser. Their focus is much different than yours. While you may want restoration, their purpose is to not get caught on something that they have said or done that you do not know about. If you must respond, try this to defuse combative escalation: “Thank you for sharing your thoughts about me. I don’t agree.” Make a decision to stop arguing with the abuser. Healthy relationship boundaries allow for discussion without insults.
  2. When you are feeling defensive, try to disengage from the conversation. Call a friend, journal, do anything other than defending yourself. The abuser may feed off of your defensiveness and the situation could escalate into physical abuse.
  3. Plan for a relationship change status after you recognize abusive behavior. Once patterns are figured out, it may be a time for change to keep you safe. This will require a step back and escape from the relationship in order to make the abuse stop. Not all things can be fixed into what we want it to be. Being invested heavily into a relationship makes this hard. Bringing in outside parties to get that safety and some distance from the relationship may be necessary.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-866-331-9474 or text “loveis” to 22522 for the National Dating Abuse Helpine.

More information can be found at www.LoveIsRespect.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800.799.7233 or online at www.TheHotline.org


Disclaimer: There are indeed situations where a partner or friend has mental health issues. Chefsville encourages abusers to “STOP” verbal abuse and get professional help. The prize is a loving, kind, and rewarding relationship that encourages exhorts and fosters growth. There are also situations where chronic forms of selfishness, ego, stubbornness, inability to admit wrongs, or uncontrolled thinking are present. This writing assumes that there are no mental health issues or extreme willful behavior present.

Chefsville exists to reduce family violence, abuse and neglect. There is much abuse that happens in the kitchens. The kitchen used to be the command center of the family. Now it has in many cases degraded into a place where family abuse is conducted. The kitchen has become a place where kids are manipulated, intimidated and coerced. Let’s regain the kitchens to a place where love, trust and good communication are dispensed. The kitchen was always a place where family members could be built-up and encouraged. Retake your own kitchen! Let loving kindness reign in your kitchen with everyone.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic often used by “emotional abusers” to plant in your mind that your judgment, feelings and reality are questionable.

I’ve always disliked the manipulation, intimidation and coercion of other people.

When I was young, I did this kind of stuff to feel good about myself. I grew up, studied these weak character flaws, and stopped the behaviors. I’ve even apologized to those who I operated some of these techniques upon. Now that I am married, after being a widow, trust me, I share those experiences and apologies to people with my wife. Since social media has come into vogue, my writings are very heartfelt. The response from those who forgave me has been so sweet.

Abusers who operate “gaslighting” do so to gain control and power in a relationship. It’s a self-confidence problem. It’s also a way to control situations that could become unfavorable to the abuser.

In my case, I learned that the feelings of others and the world is so much bigger than “ME”. I even looked up at the sky, and would ponder its beauty and who made it. That I could be observed and my thoughts, actions and words could be recorded for future justice. However, in all of that, I found that “lovingkindness” is a powerful thing. It removes all reasons for “gaslighting”.

The techniques of gaslighting are motivated by the same thing which is control and making people second-guess themselves. Gaslighting is a huge indicator of “selfishness”. Where one viewpoint is more important than the other’s viewpoint.

People who gaslight don’t have much capacity to authentically make their point of view known. So they digress to mean forms of communication like gaslighting. A husband may try to convince his wife that she is losing her mind.

Some common gaslighting sayings are:

1. “That never happened.”
2. “You are too sensitive.”
3. “You’re crazy – and other people think so, also.”
4. “You have a memory problem.”
5. “I’m sorry you think that I hurt you.”
6. “You should have known how I would react.”

All of these phrases challenge one’s ability to present their viewpoint clearly. Thus the abuser starts the process of breaking down a conversation and attacking someone’s heart which creates a feeling of rejection, aloneness, anxiety, and distrust.
When one engages in relationships, it is up to that person to learn to communicate in a way that builds the relationship with those around them. Engaging in meaningful conversation without hurting, creating distrust, isolation and anxiety is very important.

The question comes up – – – What do I do about it?

Psychoanalyst Robin Stern makes an important point. “Depending upon how long you’ve been trapped in this toxic dynamic, it may be “excruciate difficult to pull yourself out.”

1. Become more self-aware. Knowing who you are and about yourself will give you something to stand on to “fend off” inaccurate statements from the abuser.

2. Pay attention to your gut feelings/intuition and common sense. Stay in touch with whatever you are feeling; don’t loos your emotional signals since they help identify clues not to ignore. Don’t just dismiss the feeling because someone else thinks you should.

3. Hold on to texts and emails. These are pieces of evidence that show confusion made by those who operate gaslighting. Keep notes to help you separate fact from fiction.

4. Consider calling out their behavior. Example: I am not over-sensitive, I am reacting to what I saw or heard. In most cases, the abusive behavior will not change. There has to be “an intention to change”.

5. Check in with a trusted friend, family member or therapist. See if they notice you behaving differently since you have been with this person.

Communication is an art. Art requires skills. Sometimes, we just need to get other people to help.
If a person who manipulates through gaslighting refuses to take responsibility for their thoughts, words or actions, that relationship is going to be hard and someone will get emotionally hurt. Minimize this with the use of your common sense.

The goal of this writing is to help bring words to the feelings you or someone that you know are having. If they just are not themselves anymore, it is a good indication that someone is operating gaslighting in their relationship.

Further information can be found through psychotherapist Beverly Engel, author of “The Emotionally Abusive Relationship”. Many therapists are learning how to speak up about gaslighting, but not enough to really break through in social stigma.

Need Help? National Dating Abuse Helpline in the U.S. is 1-866-331.9474 or text “loveis” to 22522.

More information can be found at www.LoveIsRespect.org

National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800799.7233 or online at www.TheHotline.org

 

Disclaimer: There are indeed situations where a partner or friend has mental health issues. Chefsville encourages abusers to “STOP” and get professional help. The prize is a loving, kind, and rewarding relationship that encourages, exhorts and fosters growth. There are also situations where chronic forms of selfishness, ego, stubbornness, inability to admit wrongs, or uncontrolled thinking are present. This writing assumes that there are no mental health issues or extreme willful behavior present.


Chefsville exists to reduce family violence, abuse and neglect. There is much abuse that happens in the kitchens. The kitchen used to be the command center of the family. Now it has in many cases degraded into a place where family abuse is conducted. The kitchen has become a place where kids are manipulated, intimidated and coerced. Let’s regain the kitchens to a place where love, trust and good communication are dispensed. The kitchen was always a place where family members could be built-up and encouraged. Retake your own kitchen! Let loving kindness reign in your kitchen with everyone.